Hard to believe..

It is hard to believe that 6 years ago I was pregnant, almost feels like a life time ago. For the first 5 years of my adult life I was pregnant. That was my life, making babies and taking care of them. I truly loved it. I even miss being pregnant and had my husband not gotten the big 'V' 6 years ago, I would probably have more. 

Not that I could handle it. 

Being pregnant and having a sweet little baby..that's the easy part. 

Yes, it is difficult to go through 9 months of pregnancy, it is painful at child birth, it takes unimaginable strength to care for a newborn baby while healing from the inside out. 

But the hard part....

The hard parts are potty training an unwilling participant, being in a store with a cranky child and getting stares, having to leave a store without your needed items because you can't stop a 2 year old in her manic tantrum, having to see them cry in pain and not being able to do anything about it, having to send them to school and trust others to take care of your child the way you would, having to teach your child that others can be mean, but they are perfect just the way the are, seeing the disappointment in their eye when you say 'no', grounding them even when it hurts YOU more, answering the hard questions about life, death, sex...learning to let go because you know that they can't grow into who they are if you don't. 

It'll be even harder to watch them make choices they will have to pay the consequences for. Bad decision they will make because we ALL make them. Comforting their broken heart. Hearing words from them that will break YOUR heart.

How you handle these hard moments, I think that is what defines you as a mother. or even a father. Showing your love through your own pain. 

Unconditional love.

It is hard work being a mother but the rewards are priceless. 

I cannot be a perfect mother, but I can apologize when I am wrong, I can cry with them through the pain, I can laugh, I can trust and I can love.

my girls

my boy

 

I wanna be special...

I've never been much of a writer and I don't think I am very insightful. But I decided to start a blog anyways. Now you must endure the writings of a nonwriter.
I like to write and have even dabbled in writing poems for awhile. I've never shared them. I have never thought they were good enough. I never felt I was the best at anything. I always felt average. I graduated highschool with an average GPA and I never finished college. I always felt average looking, I am average height. I couldn't play the violin THAT well. I cannot sing like Whitney or Celine(no matter how hard I try). Nothing too special about me.
I went straight from being a young immature girl to being a Navy wife and mother, all in less than a year's time. I cannot say there weren't struggles but I have loved my life. I was blessed with three beautiful children on Earth and a baby in Heaven, that I lost at 12 weeks pregnant. Not many women get the privilege of staying home with their children, I have.
I really do know how fortunate I have been in my life, I have been shielded from so much pain and hurt many others have to deal with. I have to credit that to a praying mother.
I think as women we go through more inner struggles than anything. you're not good enough, someone will always do it better. But I have learned that I am special because I am a mother. No one can love or be a mother to my children better than I can. No matter how much you yell or tell them no, they want you there when they get a booboo or have a nightmare. Unconditional love is what you get from your babies. So I can proudly say I am special and so is each and every mother out there. No one is a better mother to your own children. No one. If you are unsure...just ask them.